300 Funny Dad Jokes That Are So Bad, They’re Good! (2025)
If you’ve ever laughed at a joke so bad it was actually funny, then you’ve already experienced the magic of dad joke humor. Welcome to your ultimate collection of 300+ funny dad jokes — a mix of corny, bad, silly, and surprisingly clever laughs perfect for adults, teens, and anyone who appreciates the art of groan-worthy humor.
Best & Funny Dad Jokes
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine — he woke up.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
I used to play piano by ear… now I use my hands.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!“
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.
More Great Dad Jokes
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re a little shellfish.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym. She didn’t show up… guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
How do cows stay up to date? They read the moo-s paper.
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
I used to be a baker… but I couldn’t make enough dough.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
I told my wife I’d be home in five minutes. That was an hour ago.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but I turned myself around.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for Fresh Prints.
Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
I asked my wife if I’m the only one she’s been with. She said, “Yes, all the others were nines and tens.”
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing. It just waved.
I cut my finger chopping cheese. But I think I have grater problems.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles!
See also 210+ Funny Kids Jokes
Corny Dad Jokes
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing — it just let out a little whine.
Why don’t some fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why did the dad sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time.
I used to be afraid of hurdles. But I got over it.
Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
I once got fired from a calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Where do boats go when they’re sick? The dock.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
I asked my dog, “What’s two minus two?” He said nothing.
What did one plate say to the other? “Lunch is on me!“
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crummy.
I’m terrified of elevators… so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job… but when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Why did the dad stare at the orange juice? Because it said “concentrate.”
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
I told a joke about a pencil once… but it had no point.
How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
How do you make an egg roll? You just push it.
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
Even More Dad Jokes
Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two-tired.
Why don’t some people eat clocks? It’s too time-consuming.
Why did the dad climb the ladder during the meeting? Because he wanted to take things to the next level.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had too many grounds.
What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Microchips.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re a little shellfish.
Why did the dad get kicked out of the camping trip? He was acting a little in-tents.
Why did the baker become a baseball player? Because he was great at batters.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why do ghosts love elevators? It lifts their spirits.
What did the dad say when the car tire went flat? “Tired of this nonsense!”
How do you measure a snake? In inches — they don’t have feet.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me the thesaurus throat ever.
What did the laundry say to the dryer? “I’m spun out!“
Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Poop.
Why don’t bakers ever feel lonely? They’re always kneading someone.
What kind of car does a sheep drive? A Lamborghini.
Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
What’s a pig’s favorite karate move? A pork chop.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite room in the house? The living room.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the baker go broke? Because he ran out of dough.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybee.
Why did the dad bring string to the bar? He wanted to tie one on.
How do you make a pirate angry? Take away the P — now he’s irate.
Why did the egg get in trouble? It cracked under pressure.
I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why was the math teacher suspicious of her students? They were all acting odd.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!“
How do you make a plumber cry? You hurt his pipes.
Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Day.
I got a new job as a human cannonball. But it’s a bit of a blast.
What did one light bulb say to the other? “Watt’s up?”
Classic Dad Joke Goodness
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a broken can opener? A can’t opener.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
Why don’t spiders go to school? Because they learn everything on the web.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Why don’t vampires like garlic bread? Because it’s too crusty.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog? Frostbite.
Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up a pair of pants.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? “Where’s pop corn?”
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you’ll rise and shine.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
Why did the dad quit his job at the shoe factory? He felt he was being laced off.
Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Why did the man name his dog “Five Miles”? So he could say he walks Five Miles every day.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Why was the broom late to work? It swept in.
Why don’t ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? “Yellow!”
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing — it just waved.
Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
Why did the dad bring a pencil to the party? To draw attention.
What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
Why did the smartphone go to therapy? It lost its sense of touch.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but their first love is the C.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark? Floodlights.
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Why did the dad get kicked out of the seafood restaurant? He was being too shellfish.
What happens when you cross a snowman with a vampire? You get frostbite.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the dad install a trampoline in his garden? He wanted to raise the stakes.
What do you call a dad joke that’s actually funny? A miracle.
See also 160+ Funny Fat Jokes
Bad Dad Jokes
Why did the orange stop rolling downhill?
It ran out of juice!
How do cows stay up to date?
They browse the moos!
Why don’t windows ever tell secrets?
Because they’d crack under pressure!
What did the clock say to the calendar?
Your days are numbered!
Why did the shoelace refuse to race?
It didn’t want to get tied up!
What did the light bulb say when it was scared?
I’m feeling a little dim!
Why was the belt sent to jail?
It held up a pair of pants!
How did the banana answer the phone?
Yellow!
Why don’t clouds carry money?
Because they use rain checks!
What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer!
Why don’t mirrors ever lie?
Because they always reflect the truth!
How do you stop a tomato from being nosy?
Tell it to ketchup later!
What did the pencil say to the eraser?
You’re my biggest mistake!
How do birds communicate?
They send tweets!
Why did the bread go to therapy?
It had too many loaf issues!
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste!
What did the chair say to the table?
Stop leaning on me!
Why did the jacket refuse to go outside?
It couldn’t handle the cold shoulder!
Why did the washing machine join a band?
It loved the spin cycle!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Why did the tomato fail the race?
It couldn’t ketchup in time!
How do bees get to school?
By the buzz stop!
Final Round: Ultimate Dad Jokes
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
What do you get if you cross a dad with a detective? Father-figure it out.
Why did the dad take a ladder to work? Because he was going to the top.
Why did the golfer bring an extra shirt? In case he got a hole in one.
What do clouds wear under their clothes? Thunderwear.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forest1.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because it’d be a foot.
Why did the dad break up with the calendar? He felt the days were numbered.
What did the baby computer call his dad? Data.
What did the dad say when the fridge broke? “Cool it!“
Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad.
Why did the dad eat on the floor? Because the steaks were too high.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the stadium get hot? All the fans left.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the dad quit his job at the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet? “Supplies!“
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger… Then it hit me.
How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
Why don’t dogs make good dancers? They have two left feet.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.
Why did the dad go to art school? He wanted to draw his own conclusions.
What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why did the dad walk backward into the room? He didn’t want to look back.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
Why don’t ducks tell jokes? Because they’d quack up.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
How do you make a waterbed bouncier? Add spring water.
What did the dad say when his kids asked for ice cream money? “Money doesn’t grow on cones!“
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
What did the baby light bulb say to its mom? “I watt you to be proud of me!”
Why did the dad turn on the light? Because it was too dark to be funny.
What does a dad call his tools? His dad-gets.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crummy.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? “Between us, something smells.”
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with.
Why don’t dads play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from dad jokes.
What did the dad say after a long day? “I’m re-tired.”
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
Why was the calendar afraid? Its days were numbered.
Why did dad get locked out of his tool shed? Because he lost his key wrench.
What’s a dad’s favorite kind of sandwich? One with plenty of puns.
What did dad say at the BBQ? “Let the steaks be high!“
Why did dad take up gardening? To grow on his kids.
How do dads stay in shape? Running their mouths.
What do you call dad’s car after a joke? A pun-mobile.
Why don’t dads trust elevators? They’re up to something.
I gave all my dead batteries away… Free of charge.
Why did dad bring a spoon to the Super Bowl? For the chili.
How do you make a dad smile? Say “pun intended.”
What’s dad’s favorite kind of math? Pun-geometry.
Why did dad wear sunglasses to breakfast? His eggs were too bright.
What’s dad’s favorite bedtime story? One with a plot twist and a punchline.
Why do dad jokes never get old? Because they were born old.
Why did dad bring bread to the bank? To make some dough.
How do you find dad at a party? He’s the one telling jokes near the grill.
Why do dads love elevators? They lift their spirits.
Why did dad install a bell on the fridge? For snack alerts.
Why don’t dads write horror? They’re better at groaners than screamers.
What do dads do when they’re cold? Stand in the corner — it’s always 90 degrees!
Why are dad jokes like fine cheese? The older, the funnier.
Why did dad make a joke about the roof? Because it was over your head.
Why don’t dads become stand-up comedians? They already have a captive audience.
How do you punish a dad? Laugh at all his jokes.
Why don’t dads use bookmarks? They prefer to dog-ear a good pun.
Why did dad talk to the mirror? To reflect on his jokes.
Why don’t dad jokes work in space? No one can hear you groan.
What’s a dad’s favorite drink? Pun-kin spice latte.
Why are dad jokes so calm? Because they don’t crack under pressure.
Why did dad start a joke podcast? For pun and profit.
What’s dad’s favorite app? Pun-terest.
Why did dad carry a pencil behind his ear? In case he had to draw a conclusion.
Why did dad win an award in science class? For his chemical reaction to puns.
What do you call a dad joke that makes you cry? A pun-ishment.
Why do dads like parking jokes? Because they’re spot on.
What’s dad’s favorite cereal? Corny Flakes.
What do you call a dad who tells jokes at breakfast? A serial pun-ner.
Why do dads never get lost? They follow the punchline.
Why did dad joke at the zoo? Because he found the lions roar-larious.
What’s the last thing dad says before bed? “Sleep tight — don’t let the puns bite!“
Conclusion
We hope you enjoyed these 300+ hilarious dad jokes and had a few good chuckles along the way! Whether you prefer great dad jokes that make you think, corny ones that bring out a groan, or bad dad jokes that are so awful they’re amazing — this collection was made to deliver nonstop fun. Keep these dad jokes handy for your next conversation, post, or text. Because let’s be honest… the world needs more dad joke humor, and we’re here to supply it — one pun at a time!