140+ Funny Comedian Jokes to Keep You Laughing
If you’re looking for a good laugh, comedian jokes are always the way to go! These jokes, often filled with clever wit and relatable humor, have the power to brighten anyone’s day. Whether it’s a quick comedian joke about life, work, or relationships, they never fail to entertain. From stand-up routines to one-liners, comedian jokes can turn any situation into a fun experience, making them perfect for sharing with family, friends, or even colleagues!
Funny Comedian Jokes
1. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
2. Why do calendars never get tired?
Because they’re always fully booked!
3. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
4. Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have tiny ant-bodies!
5. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite!
6. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumby.
7. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs!
8. How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
9. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus!
10. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
11. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?
A kingfish!
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
13. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
14. Why don’t ghosts like rain?
It dampens their spirits.
15. What’s a cow’s favorite subject in school?
Moo-sic!
16. Why was the stadium so cool?
It was filled with fans!
17. Why did the frog call his insurance company?
He had a jump in his car!
18. Why do chickens never get lost?
They always know where their eggs-it is.
19. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
20. Why was the math teacher suspicious?
Because something didn’t add up!
Comedian Jokes about Life
1. Life is like a sandwich.
The more you add to it, the messier it gets!
2. Why is life like Wi-Fi?
You don’t appreciate it until it’s gone.
3. Life is like a math problem.
Just when you think you’ve got it, they throw in letters!
4. Why is life like a smartphone?
It’s great until the battery runs out.
5. Life is like a GPS.
You’re always recalculating your route.
6. Why is life like a party?
You should enjoy it before the cleanup begins.
7. Life is like a cup of coffee.
It’s all about how you take it.
8. Why is life like a traffic jam?
Everyone’s trying to get ahead, but no one’s really moving.
9. Life is like a movie.
You’re the star, but sometimes it feels like a comedy of errors.
10. Why is life like an elevator?
It has its ups and downs, but it’s best not to get stuck!
11. Life is like a shopping cart.
You start with a list but always end up with way more than you planned.
12. Why is life like a game of cards?
You play the hand you’re dealt, but bluffing is half the fun.
13. Life is like a slice of pizza.
Some days it’s cheesy, other days it’s crusty, but it’s always worth a bite!
See also 100+ Funny Mom Jokes
Family and Friends Comedian Jokes
1. My mom said I’d never accomplish anything lying on the couch.
But look at me now—I’m excellent at binge-watching!
2. My family is like Wi-Fi.
Sometimes they’re super strong, and other times they completely disappear when I need them!
3. Why do friends make the best alarm clocks?
Because they’ll never let you sleep through their drama!
4. I told my sister that she should join politics.
She already knows how to start arguments over nothing.
5. Why are family reunions like pizza?
No matter how cheesy, everyone still shows up.
6. My friend said he was terrible at small talk.
I said, “That’s okay; you’re great at long silences!”
7. Why did the aunt always carry a notebook?
She wanted to jot down all the family gossip before she forgot it!
8. My family has one rule: no phones at the dinner table.
Which is why they never notice me texting under the table!
9. Why did the cousin get kicked out of Monopoly night?
Because he kept taking family bonding too literally and stole from the bank!
10. My friend says she’s an expert at multi-tasking.
She can eat, text, and avoid her responsibilities all at once!
11. Why did my grandma bring a potato to the talent show?
She wanted to prove she could mash it on stage!
12. Family photos are great.
They’re proof we’ve all survived each other this long.
13. Why do siblings always fight over the remote?
Because it’s the only control they’ll ever have in life!
14. When my friend gave me a “World’s Best Friend” mug, I told her:
“Thanks, but now I have to give you one too—it’s in the rules!”
15. Why are family vacations like a reality show?
They’re full of drama, unexpected twists, and someone always forgets their lines!
Comedian Jokes About Work
1. Why don’t skeletons work overtime?
Because they don’t have the guts for it!
2. Why did the office printer go on strike?
It felt it was being pushed to the limit!
3. I told my coworkers I’m like a clock at work.
Always ticking… just waiting to go home!
4. Why do some people love their jobs?
Because they’re good at pretending the coffee break is their full-time job!
5. I asked my manager for a raise.
He said, “Sure, I’ll raise your workload!”
6. Why did the stapler get promoted?
It always held things together in stressful situations!
7. My coworker said he’s a multitasking pro.
Turns out he was just watching YouTube while “working.”
8. Why are meetings like black holes?
Once you’re in, you’re never getting out on time!
9. Why did the office clock quit?
It felt underappreciated—nobody gave it the time of day!
10. Why don’t construction workers ever get stressed?
They know how to build a solid foundation for their day.
One-Liner Jokes from Comedians
1. I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already.
2. I used to play piano by ear,
but now I use my hands.
3. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
4. I have a fear of speed bumps,
but I’m slowly getting over it.
5. I’m friends with all electricians.
We have good current connections.
6. I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.
7. I used to be a baker,
but I couldn’t make enough dough.
8. I went to a seafood disco last night.
And pulled a mussel.
9. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
10. I have a photographic memory,
but I always forget to bring the camera.
11. I told my computer I needed a break.
Now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.
12. I went to a store to buy some camo pants,
but couldn’t find any.
13. I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on,
but then it clicked.
14. I have a great joke about construction,
but I’m still working on it.
15 . I’m not arguing,
I’m just explaining why I’m right.
Classic Comedian Jokes
1. Why don’t skeletons throw parties?
They don’t have the guts!
2. Why did the math teachr head to the beach?
To catch some tan-gents!
3. What do you call a bear without teeth?
A gummy bear, of course!
4. Why aren’t graveyards ever full?
People keep checking in!
5. Why was the broom always running late?
It swept right past the time!
6. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide, duh!
7. Why can’t we spot elephants hiding in trees?
They’re just too good at it!
8. Why didn’t Cinderella make the soccer team?
She kept losing her shoe during the game!
9. Why did the musician ditch the metronome?
It just couldn’t keep up with the rhythm of his heart.
10. Why don’t bananas feel lonely?
They always hang out in bunches!
11. What did one wall say to the other?
“See you at the corner!”
12. Why did the cow audition for the band?
It knew how to moo-sic!
13. What happens when you mix a snowman with a dog?
You get frostbite!
14. Why was the computer feeling chilly?
It left its Windows open!
15. Why did the golfer pack extra socks?
In case he got a hole in one!
16. Why did the barber win the race?
He took the shortest cut!
17. What do you call a polite dinosaur?
A “please-osaurus!”
See also 270+ Funny Dad Jokes
Stand-Up Comedian Jokes
1. I told my wife I’d stop making fun of her cooking.
Then she burned the agreement!
2. I used to play piano by ear.
Now I use my hands—it’s much easier!
3. Why don’t comedians trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something!
4. I went to a restaurant that said it had “homemade food.”
Turns out, it was someone else’s home!
5. Why do comedians love elevator jokes?
Because they always lift the mood!
6. I tried to make a joke about electricity.
But it was shocking how bad it was!
7. I signed up for a stand-up comedy class.
First lesson: Learning to fall flat on your face gracefully!
8. Why did the microphone go to therapy?
It was tired of being talked over!
9. Comedians are like batteries.
They charge the crowd and get drained by hecklers.
10. Why don’t comedians go camping?
They can’t handle the in-tents pressure!
11. Why don’t comedians work out at the gym?
They’re already great at delivering punchlines!
12. What do comedians and magicians have in common?
They both make things disappear—comedians make silence disappear!
13. I tried stand-up comedy at a coffee shop.
The crowd was latte to react!
14. Why did the tomato blush at the comedy show?
The jokes were too saucy!
15. Stand-up comedy is like dating.
Sometimes you kill, sometimes you bomb, and either way, you’re sweating by the end!
Comedian Jokes About Relationships
1. I told my partner I needed more space.
They gave me a tiny apartment to work in!
2. Why did the couple bring a pencil to dinner?
They were trying to draw closer!
3. My wife and I have a perfect relationship.
She’s always right, and I’m never wrong—mostly!
4. Why don’t relationships need Wi-Fi?
Because true love doesn’t need a connection!
5. Why do couples argue about the little things?
Because when you’re together for a while, even the smallest things become big!
6. I told my partner I’d love them forever.
They said, “That’s great, but can you also take out the trash?”
7. I don’t need to go to therapy.
I just ask my partner about their day, and it’s like a full session!
8. My partner says I never listen to them.
At least, I think that’s what they said.
9. Relationships are like algebra.
You look at your X and wonder Y?
10. Why do relationships always seem to go through phases?
Because love isn’t always a straight line!
11. I told my girlfriend I was busy, and she said, “I know. You’re busy with your phone.”
I said, “No, I’m just looking for ways to avoid arguments!”
12. Why did the couple argue in the car?
They couldn’t agree on where to “drive” the conversation!
Best Comedian Jokes for Kids
1. Why do eggs not tell jokes?
Because they could crack up!
2. What is a made-up noodle called?
An impasta!
3. What is a sleeping dinosaur called?
A dino-snore!
4. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot then!
5. Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two-tired!
6. Why don’t skeletons fight other skeletons?
They don’t have the guts!
7. What do you call cheese that’s not your own?
Nacho cheese!
8. Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fun-guy!
9. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy!
10. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!
11. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
See also 160+ Funny Fat Jokes
Comedian Jokes About Food
1. Why don’t eggs share secrets?
Because they might crack up!
2. What does a skeleton like to eat?
Spare ribs!
3. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
4. Why do mushrooms get invited to every party?
Because they’re such fun-guys!
5. What do you say when cheese is not yours?
Nacho cheese!
6. Why don’t bananas ever feel lonely?
Because they hang out in bunches!
7. Why did the pie go to the dentist?
Because it needed a filling!
8. What’s a pancake’s favorite movie?
The Flapjack!
9. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
10. Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice!
11. What’s a peanut’s favorite type of music?
Nut rock!
12. Why was the apple so unhappy?
Because it couldn’t find its core purpose!
13. What do you get when you cross an avocado and a potato?
Guac and roll!
14. Why did the bread go to therapy?
It had too many issues with its loaf!
15. What’s a cucumber’s favorite sport?
Squash!
16. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well!
Conclusion
Comedian jokes are the perfect way to add some fun and laughter to any moment. Whether you’re enjoying a night out with friends, having a family dinner, or simply need a good laugh at work, comedian jokes always hit the mark. So, the next time you need to lighten the mood or make someone smile, remember to pull out some of these funny and relatable comedian jokes—they’re guaranteed to bring joy and a little humor into your day!
