60+ Funny Harry Potter Jokes That Even Muggles Will Love
Harry Potter Jokes bring magic and fun to every wizard and witch! Whether you’re a Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff, these jokes will make you laugh like you just drank a bottle of Liquid Luck! From funny Hogwarts moments, get ready for some magical giggles!
Harry Potter Jokes
1. Why was Harry Potter so wont to carry a pencil to the Quidditch match?
Because he needed to draw a match!
2. Why doesn’t Voldemort use Twitter?
He can’t deal with followers!
3. Why did Ron Weasley split with his girlfriend?
Because she was acting a bit Slytherinish!
4. Why did Hermione bring a ladder to class?
To reach the next level of learning!
5. Why doesn’t Hagrid ever get lost?
Because he always trusts his gut feeling!
6. What did the Hogwarts janitor say when he cleaned the Great Hall?
“It’s Riddikulus in here!”
7. What charm does Hermione use when she repairs her glasses?
“Reparo!”
8. Why did Fred and George start a joke shop?
Because Sirius-ly, they’re funny!
9. What is the most favorite breakfast for a wizard?
Hufflepuff pastries!
10. Why did Draco Malfoy cross the road?
To show that he had a dark side!
11. Why is Moaning Myrtle such a party pooper?
Because she’s always bringing the mood down!
12. What do you call a wizard who plays basketball very well?
A Hoop-ufflepuff!
13. What do you get when you cross a Death Eater with a joke?
Something that’s dark but really funny!
14. Why did Dobby refuse to play hide-and-seek?
Because Dobby is a free elf!
15. What do you call a wizard who can’t perform magic?
A Hufflepuff!
16. Why doesn’t Voldemort wear glasses?
Because he doesn’t have a nose to keep them up!
17. Why do Gryffindors always bring sunscreen to each and every Quidditch match?
Because Slytherins always burn them!
18. What does a wizard find the most amusing part of a joke?
The punsch-line-ious!
19. Why did the basilisk break up with its girlfriend?
Because she was too stone-cold!
20. What do you call a bad joke about Harry Potter?
A spell-fail!
21. Why did Neville bring a ladder to class?
Because he wanted to rise to the occasion!
22. What’s Snape’s favorite type of tea?
Severus-Tea!
23. Why does the Sorting Hat choose Gryffindor for Harry?
Because he had a lion’s heart!
24. Why did Ron’s broomstick break?
Because it was swept over in a Quidditch match!
25. What do you call a dog with magical powers?
A Labracadabrador!
26. Why did Draco go to therapy?
Because he had daddy issues, serious new level.
27. What do you call a wizard who fixes things?
A Spell Repairman!
28. What is a ghost’s favorite Hogwarts house?
Boo-Claw!
29. Why did the golden snitch go to a lawyer?
Because it did not want to get caught!
29. How come Hagrid is such a great cook?
Because he always adds a giant portion!
30. What did Ron say when he could not find his wand?
“Bloody hell!”
31. Why do wizards need alarms?
A: Because the spells always wake them up on time!
See also 140+ Funny Comedian Jokes
Harry Potter Jokes For Kids
1. Why did Harry Potter go to school?
He wanted to be educated in spells!
2. What is a wizard’s favorite subject?
Spell-binding stuff!
3. Why did the Hogwarts student bring a ladder with him to class?
To elevate his level of learning!
4. Why did Dumbledore go for the bakery business?
He was an expert in puff pastry!
5. What does one call the canine sorcerer?
A labra-cadabra-dor!
6. Why did the Golden Snitch get in trouble?
It was forever flying off the handle!
7. What is Harry Potter’s favorite way to go down a hill?
Walking…JK, rolling!
8. What is a wizard’s favorite sport?
Quidditch, cause it’s flying fun!
9. Why did Voldemort not use social media?
He couldn’t handle any likes!
10. What’s a wizard’s favorite kind of tea?
Leviosa-tea!
11. Why did Hermione take a pencil to the Quidditch match?
Because she wanted to draw some attention!
12. Why did Hagrid love his garden?
Because he had a green thumb!
13. What do you get when you mix Harry Potter and a robot?
A spell-checker!
14. Why did the Basilisk break up with its girlfriend?
Because she was too “stone”-cold!
15. What did the Sorting Hat say to the laundry?
You belong in “wash and dry”!
16. Why did Draco Malfoy bring a ladder to the library?
To get to the next level of dark magic!
17. Why did the wizard eat so many beans?
Because he loved a good “spell” of gas!
Harry Potter Inappropriate Jokes​
1. Why did Hermione slap Ron?
Because he told her he had the wand that could do things in a bedroom.
2. Why does Voldemort favor Instagram instead of Facebook?
Because at least he doesn’t have to deal with snoopy people.
3. Why did Harry break up with his girlfriend?
Because she said that his wand wasn’t powerful enough.
4. What did one wand say to the other wand?
“Are you a spell, or are you just happy to see me?”
5. Why doesn’t Snape teach sex education at Hogwarts?
Because he would always say: “You must. Not. Finish.”
6. Why was Harry good at magic?
In the time of castings, he had expelliarmus-ed many bras.
7. Why did Draco suck at flirting?
Because girls kept saying: “Ugh, Malfoy! Not everything is about Slytherin in!”
8. Why was Moaning Myrtle always in the loo?
Because she was waiting for someone to show how he or she juggled with a magic wand.
9. What is the naughtiest spell at Hogwarts?
Expelli-ASS-mus.
10. Why did Luna Lovegood start a dating service?
Because she believed in wrackspurts and one-night spurts.
11. Why did Hagrid’s girlfriend break up with him?
Because he said, “You’re a wizard in the streets, but a muggle in the sheets.”
12. Why does Harry always carry a wand?
Because he’s ready to make some serious magic happen.
13. What did Ginny say when Harry dropped his wand?
It’s okay, it’s not the size that matters.
14. Why did Dumbledore never get married?
Because he was too busy playing with his Elder Wand.
15. Why did Snape never date?
Because he was still hung up on Lily… and only had one good spell left in him.
See also 120+ Funny Flirty Jokes
Conclusion
From Voldemort’s missing nose to Snape’s grumpy face, these Harry Potter Jokes prove that the wizarding world is full of fun! So grab your wand, hop on your broomstick, and keep the laughter going—because magic is even better when it comes with a good joke!
